life currently

things are a bit busy at work because i have a brand new colleague i'm training, so i don't get as much computer time as i usually have. good and bad. i feel like i'm missing out on stuff, but i'm sure that the time away from the screen is helping my eyes.

i'm feeling pretty good today. i managed to not throw up at all- which has been happening more ofter recently. it's funny how i could not even have energy to write a short blog, but i just didn't. i didn't care to sit and write basic words:) i'll try to blog whenever i'm feeling well- which will hopefully increase.

my nausea is worst in the morning. my lovely wifey, man she's great:), brings me scrambled eggs and toast whenever she's home in the morning while i'm still in bed. that's love i tell ya'. she's taken it to heart that her job currently is to make sure i'm fed. :) i usually feel better after i eat lunch. i try to snack through the morning, but it's hard. i'm typically exhausted when i get home from work after 7 and sometimes my nausea comes back.

i'm taking b6 with each meal- approximately 75 units (can't remember if it's g or mg) total and a unisom at night. this has helped. i can't imagine how bad i would be feeling with out this help. i am thinking i need to increase the b6 to 100 (which is a regular pill). my nausea had seemed to be improving last week and then got all wacky this weekend again. i didn't get to have an acupuncture appointment last week. i'm going to try to squeeze one in on friday. i know he'll be able to help me too (raene- he hasn't done moxa yet, i'm going to ask. i had that done pre-preg. and loved it).

i haven't been sleeping so restfully, even though i'm taking unisom. i wake up once or twice each night for no reason. i usually get up and pee just because, but i haven't actually needed to. i'm dreaming a lot too, so i think when i am sleeping i'm not completely out of it. i was taking naps in the afternoon when i had a regular colleague here during the day, but i can't leave the new guy alone for an hour so i can sleep:) i'm praying i can within another week though (please, please, please!). i still have night sweats but i'm just ignoring them. my acup. tried a treatment two weeks ago for my sweats and i got really ill after the treatment. i'm going to tell him that i'm not going to bother with fixing the sweats now. i just want the morning sickness to be dealt with.

my clothes still technically fit me, but i cannot stand to have anything press against my abdomen. it makes me really uncomfortable. so i'm been over-wearing a pair of gaucho pants i have. i need to find some more pants like them. i don't want my colleague to catch on that i'm wearing the same pants 3 out of 5 days, hehe:)

eating wise i'm totally different than before pregnancy. i loved spices and hot food. now i can't stand anything above bland and virtually flavorless. so sad. i don't really want meat, i can't eat dairy (haven't really been missing that a lot), i don't want fresh greens. mostly i eat plain pasta/rice, a cooked veg (i really want cooked greens- broccoli, chard, etc.), and some kind of protein source. the protein source is the hard part. i can eat fake chick patties (morning star). erm- we haven't found much else. the pasta i eat is a protein pasta. i eat some almonds during the day, but i know i'm lacking protein. i just don't want it now from my traditional sources. i've also been having trouble drinking enough water during the day. especially in the morning it makes my belly feel worse. i think i'm only drinking like 20 oz/day right now. the thing is i want ice cold water, but can only stand drinking a bit at a time.

enough of my food woes:) i'm happy and healthy today. i'm excited about this little baby, even if it is rather surrealistic right now. i can't wait for our next mw appoint. we are going to try to hear the heartbeat. i think it will be a little more real then.

IT'S A GIRL!!

kidding, of course:) it's april fool's day you know. we won't know the gender until around 20 weeks, if we're lucky. although, i have a feeling it is a girl. we'll see.

our midwife appointment went well. everyone was happy and surprised to see us so soon. they had helped with getting our paperwork in to the sperm bank. the midwife we met with, let's call her midwife S, was very nice. she was the same one that we met with for our consultation in january. she answered all our question. it seems like everything is moving on the right track. this visit was more preliminary. we needed to fill out my health and family history. we'll need to give the donor history too. basically, we just chatted for an hour, and she took my blood pressure :)

we made our next appointment for five weeks, instead of four weeks. usually during the first trimester, appointments are for every four weeks. we want to hear the heartbeat though, and we might have a better chance if we wait a little longer. if we don't hear it, it's ok. it will still be early.

we decided also to not do genetic screening. i didn't feel that it was necessary. we will love this baby no matter what. i understand that some people want to be prepared, but i'm ok with waiting. you never know what will happen, and i believe, whatever it is, is for a reason.

otherwise, things are ok. i've been nauseated for most of the day. annoying. i finished inventory at work early and since there was nothing to do, i came home at 2 for a nap before our appointment.

i found out my colleague is going to be semi-leaving me. as a refresher, i'm an art framing manager for a retail shop. i have one employee (called "colleagues" at this company). she's terrific. she's almost 60, has been with the company for 7 years, and is very caring. she has been up to date from the beginning regarding anna and i making a baby. she's very supportive. she's always there to listen and give advice on her pregnancies, and her daughters'. her daughter that lives in town had her third child about a year ago. she's decided to go back to work and asked linda if she would nanny for them. they would prefer this over hiring a stranger. linda did it a little bit before for them. anyways, next week will be her last regular week. then, she'll just work on sundays, one of my days off. i won't really see her, unless i make a special trip. i'm going to miss her :( i really felt that being pregnant and working would be easier because i had such a great colleague. now i'm crying. ok, i'll be alright. -sigh-

i fear weight gain

really, i've had issues with my weight since high school. i've often felt i was bigger than i should be, even when i was underweight. when i started college, i started gaining weight and old high school friends said i actually looked healthy instead of like a stick. i became mostly comfortable with my weight when i started playing rugby, because you need to be strong and have some cushion :) except i kept gaining weight until i was over 185. that scared the crap out of me.

i started doing kickboxing and watching what i was eating more. no more sneaking over to mcd's for fries after work. naughty, naughty. i lost 15 lbs. i really wanted to get down to 165 before we got pregnant, but things worked faster than we though :)

now i'm stressing about gaining unnecessary weight. i know that i will gain weight because of the baby growing. but i am sooo afraid of getting close to 200 lbs. i also afraid of after the pregnancy, will i be able to loose it all? this stress is aggravated by the fact i'm hungry so much. yesterday, i was hungry all day, seriously. nothing could satisfy me. i'm being good and not grabbing unhealthy things, but it's hard.

if anyone has suggestions, i would greatly appreciate it. i'm not eating dairy right now. the only allergy i have is to walnuts. i need variety. help! :) off to eat some carrots. oh and that's a picture of me up there as a hungry monkey:)

not so motivated

sorry i've been quiet recently. there isn't much to share. i'm tired. trying to get to bed early (like 9:30). my night sweats are really bothering me. i'm off dairy for a week, as recommended by the accup, for my bloating. otherwise, i am feeling pretty good.

we have a midwife appointment next week. i'll probably have more interesting things to write then :)

sooo tired

oh my god, i just want to sleep all the time. i don't feel like doing anything at work, but i have to because my colleague is gone on vacation. blah. i've done a few things. mostly, i've been sitting, reading or messing around on the computer. oh and peeing. i am peeing so much! i'm trying to drink at least three full bottles at work. my water bottle is 20+ oz. that's a good bit of water, and i feel like i'm peeing every 5 oz. haha:)

also, my jeans are bugging the crap out of me. i think i'm bloated and even though i want to sit down, the waist is digging into my abdomen and annoying me. i feel like wearing a mu mu already. damn what's it going to be like when i actually start growing.

another thing, my abs are sore. in my obliques and right under my ribcage. what's that about? i know that i'm not growing yet. i don't believe it's due to an ectopic pregnancy (i already obsessed about that today). it feels like i did a lot of crunches yesterday and feel the pain today.

i'm actually doing rather well though:) this things are just little annoyances right now, and partly fixable. i think i've figured out my nausea. i just need to treat it like when i had big issues with hypoglycemia. i have a stock pile of things to eat at work. i need to figure out a good variety though. i know i'll get sick of nuts, fruit, carrots and hummus eventually. oh and i'm never eating popcorn again. i felt like a hot air balloon.

i'm nauseated

hmmm... been nauseated since i woke up this morning. my belly also didn't feel so well when i went to bed last night. i tried to lay on my belly to write in my journal and it was just uncomfortable. could this mean anything??

cd19/dpo7

dpo5

(days past ovulation-5) ok so i kept saying that i would blog about the insemination, i just wasn't feeling inspired and mom was in town. maybe it'll flow once i get started.

our package arrived on friday. we held off on opening the tank until we were ready. i did opks throughout the day, and by evening my test line was getting darker. saturday morning, it was much darker than the indicator line. woohoo! ovulation! my bbt had dropped significantly, also. i felt ready.

anna encouraged me to eat and shower before we did anything. i didn't want to:) i just wanted to stay in bed and get started. of course my lovely wifey was right. i would have gotten grumpy and hungry if i hadn't eaten.

first step was opening up the canister. it looked like it had been around the block a few times:) but hey the vials were nice and frozen. the vials themselves were sooo small! the amount of sperm inside measured to about 1 cc (looks like about a quarter of an inch). anna and i donned some winter gloves and sunglasses. we were told in the instructions that the vials should be handled with cryogloves and protective glasses. we stumbled around the internet for a while on friday night trying to figure out what to do, if these things were necessary or what. luckily on oneofhismoms.wordpress.com the author had posted her own instructions. they matched up perfectly with our official instructions with a few adjustments. thus, we wore ski gloves and sunglasses.

even with the gloves on, i could feel how cold the vial was. i held it, upright, in my hands for a while till the frost dissipated. then we set it in a clean shot glass so it was upright. we got our wee syringe, a plate with a paper towel, and a meat thermometer.

on to the bit more personal bit (don't worry becky it's not that personal!) :) after the vial had defrosted, it had cooled down enough to put in my bra. the sperm needed to be warmed up to body temperature, approximately. that was also the reason for the meat thermometer, but it was too large to use in the small sample we had. i set myself up with pillow under my hips.

afterwards, i stayed in bed for around an hour. after about 20 mins i tried rolling to my right and left side to move things around a bit. mostly, i just laid on my back. everything went very smoothly. we felt successful. i hope we were.

the second insem didn't go as well. we were cold and on an air mattress. also i think a little bit of the sample spilled out. oops.

now for how i was/am feeling. after the first insem, i had some mild cramping, as if i was going to get my period. i couldn't think of anything else it would be related to, and cramping does occur for some women after insem. the second time, i fell asleep soon after so i have no idea if i cramped. i haven't noticed much else. i have been rather grumpy in the evening the past two days. kind of snappy with anna. yesterday, i had a weird pinch feeling in my stomach/uterus area on my right side. it didn't go away with stretching, just had to wait it out. it didn't hurt necessarily, just uncomfortable. could be baby-related, could be gas haha:) it was a different feeling though. i'm trying to not obsess about it.

i'm going to post the "how to inseminate at home" instructions from oneofhismoms in my next blog cause this one is getting a little long :)