today's the day!

the stars have aligned! no, actually the fertile signs have aligned. my temperature dipped this morning, my opk was positive, i have good fertile mucus, i have crazy ferns in my ovulens. psychologically i'm ready. my right lymph node is swollen (remember how i kept picturing my right side was developing the egg, i was right!). we have the sperm and we know how to use it:)

oh my gosh i'm so excited. i'm not regularly a morning person, but i was all set to get up today. anna is out getting a smaller syringe because the ones my NP gave me are too big (12 cc). we just need a tiny one because the sperm might be at most 2 cc. i am going to take pictures of the tank and such. i'll try to post more later. my mom is coming into town though so we'll probably be busy.

wish us luck!!

a much better day

i started the day with acupuncture. it was good, but i had trouble relaxing. i tried to do some yoga breathing to calm down, but to no avail. it's interesting though. the past couple times i've been trying to focus on my uterus and visualizing the egg developing and moving along my tubes. each time i've done this i'm drawn to focus on my right side. i've tried to shift my focus to the left but it doesn't feel right. i know you can tell which side you are ovulating from with ovulation pain, swollen lymph nodes, etc. i don't have any symptoms like that. anyone know of another way? i'm curious to see if i'm right.

after acupuncture and self-restriction, i called the midwife's office at 10:30 (they don't open till 10). i found out that she had called the cryolab and everything was good to go! yippee!! after a yummy lunch, i called and place our order!!! aaaaahhhh!!! i had major butterflies when i was doing it. the lady i talked to was very nice. that was a relief because the bitches i talked to yesterday made me mad.

our package is set to send out tomorrow with a delivery of friday morning. anna is going to stay home to receive it, and i'll be anxiously twiddling my thumbs at work. wow. oh and it cost us 825 bones. well worth it. babyland here we come!!

my current chart- what the heck?!

here's my chart currently:

here's my chart from last month:

so what the heck. i really believe that i ovulated on cd 12-13. why haven't i gotten the little crosshairs? :( i'm a little frustrated. i wanted this cycle to be nice and clear so we would know what to expect for next month -sigh- i guess i just can't get what i want.

on a positive note, anna and i are going to see my mom, sister and friends tomorrow! yeah!

zzzzz....

i'm really not feeling motivated at work today. i'm sleepy... it was hard to get up for acupuncture.

acupuncture is going well though. today was my fourth visit in two weeks. i've been getting needles in pretty much the same spots each time. he'll add some if i have a complaint (back issues, etc.). today he went to put one in the side of my left hand and it hurt like hell! immediately it was on fire and felt bruised. he took the needle out right away and rubbed at it with a cotton ball. even that hurt. i knew it wasn't hurt by the needle (like a regular pin prick). it was totally different. he told me this meant that the qi was flowing well there. this is what i found out about the spot online, called hou xi (si3):

SI3: HOU XI
Location: At the end of the transverse crease proximal to the 5th metacarpo-phalangeal joint when hand is half-clenched.
Indications: Stiffness or rigidity of neck, tinnitus, deafness, occipital headache, lumbago, paralysis of upper extremities, night sweating, epilepsy, malaria

the purple writing are things i have. i'm going to ask him more about this next time. i really want to know how this works exactly. i haven't had night sweats for a few days now (since last acu. visit). could i have been helped by the acu., the supplement i'm taking, or is my body just doing it's own thing right now? the spot didn't hurt anymore by the time my session was done. there's no indication at all that i had pain there. crazy.

i started taking a chinese herbal supplement on monday, prescribed by my acupuncturist. it's called jia wei xiao yao wan, or free and easy wanderer plus :) here is what the website for the company that makes the supplement said:

Jia Wei Xiao Yao Wan has helped countless women relieve anger, irritability, stress and excess heat associated with premenstrual syndrome and monthly menstrual cycles. This special herbal formula regulates qui, nourishes the blood, clears heat/excess yang and generally harmonizes the body. ...help alleviate excessive heat/yin deficiency and sweating.

i have to take 24 of these little ball shaped pills a day (12/am, 12/pm). the are maybe 3/16" in diameter. pretty small. they are black and remind me of onyx. the reason why he prescribed these is due to my trouble with controlling my emotions sometimes, mostly with pms. i have night sweats, like i mentioned. also, he believes i have stagnant blood. i knew i "ran hot" compared to other people. i'm usually warmer than anna, and she calls me "furnace" when we cuddle. i also get annoyed very easily around my period. i've learned how to deal with it mostly but it boils over sometimes. anyways, i'm curious how these little pills with help when i'm pmsing.

i'm pretty positive i ovulated on the 10th. i'm waiting to see how high my temperature rises before i'm totally sure. i had a positive opk (ovulation predictor kit), ferns on my ovulens, low temp (with a spike the next day), fertile mucus, along with secondary conditions. this means we are less than a month from trying to get pregnant. eeeee! :)

i was looking at the calendar to see when this could be happening. if i have a luteal phase of 12-13 days again, and my follicular is about 13-14 again. i could be trying to get pregnant the weekend of my birthday!! holy crap. that would be a great birthday present.

my first chart

here we go! i did predict my ovulation correctly, according to fertility friend. yippee! the crosshairs means ovulation.

i'm a slacker:)

so what's been going on with me? currently i'm in what's called the luteal stage. i call it waitin' around. it's the second half of my cycle. i'm just patiently (haha) waiting for cycle day 1.

i had one odd thing happen yesterday. i took a couple days off of doing the ovulens, thinking nothing would really show up at this stage. well i did it yesterday morning and much to my surprise i had a full strong lens of ferns. i'm not sure what it was exactly that caused this, but anna and i have a couple theories. tuesday night i had alot of trouble falling asleep so i got up to have a snack. i had an apple with peanut butter and a mug of soy milk. when i went back to bed, i didn't brush my teeth again. theory one is that the salt from the p.b. affected the results, or perhaps, less likely, the estrogen that is in the soy milk (naturally occurring) affected it. the second theory is that i'm having enough of a late cycle spike of estrogen to show up.

i'm leaning more to the second theory because this morning had the same results. the fern weren't as large. i made sure to brush my teeth thoroughly after my snack. hmmm...

we got a new book "taking charge of your fertility". it seems to have a lot of the same things i've already discovered, but i'm still liking it so far. it had some color pictures in the back of nifty things (not for the squeamish). it showed the cervix before ovulation, at ovulation, and after. way cool. it also showed different types of cervical mucus. yes, this is kind of an icky concept, but seriously who hasn't wondered "is this normal?". pictures are a good thing.

speaking of icky concepts and how this makes us feel uncomfortable. i'm finding out so much about my body that no one ever talked to me about. it shouldn't be this way. the more we know about the natural workings of our body, the more we are able to help ourselves. we can have control over our reproduction, our health, our ailments. it also isn't complicated! i still trust doctors and those in the medical profession (my RNP is totally supportive), but by being more personally aware we can have a better relationship with these people. doctors don't need to be scary. we don't need to have unnecessary tests. we don't need unnecessary prescriptions.

i was surprised recently when i was talking to wonderful friend who i adore. she admitted that she was weirded out reading some of my blogs because i talk about things like mucus. this concerns me because if she's weirded out reading this maybe she won't feel comfortable talking with a doctor about what's going on with her body.

just a bit of rambling:) i just care about all my lady friends and think they should know their lady bits.

example chart showing ovulation

here's a handy diagram showing estrogen, progesterone, temperature, and fertile mucus to pinpoint ovulation. this is not my chart. it's from http://www.fertilityfriend.com/HelpCenter/FFBook/ff_hormones_and_signs.html#7

ovulation usually occurs on the last day of lower temperatures.

ovulation!

so i did my bbt* this morning at my usual wake-up time and it read 97.66. this is much higher than my reading yesterday, 97.13. thus, OVULATION! hehe:) my ovulens also was half full of ferns, big ones at that. so most likely, i ovulated yesterday.

i've read a bit more about the ovulens because i wanted to know exactly what it was showing me. during the first half of your cycle (cd-cycle day, starts with your period), also called the follicular phase, your estrogen level is rising. when this happens the salinity (concentration of dissolved salts) in your saliva is increasing. so when i spit on the little ovulens and let it dry, what i'm really seeing is crystallized salt. when progesterone kicks in, after ovulation, this salinity drops away.

also, your temperature is lower when your estrogen is pumping, and higher with progesterone. the second half of the cycle is called the luteal phase.


it is sooo interesting what your body does. i had no idea about all of this till a month ago. i mean i read about it in 'the new essential guide to lesbian conception, pregnancy, and birth', but to see it is very different.

some the info i put in here today came from this website: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/understandingovulation.html

*basal body temperature

i saw a fern!!!

i did the ovulens this morning and when i checked it I SAW A FERN!! i think it's really cool :) so what this fern means is that my body is transitioning to ovulation. when i see a whole lens full of ferns, that means i'm ovulating.

this picture is what a transitioning lens looks like. the things that look like antennas are the ferns. when not transitioning or ovulating the lens just has a bunch of blobbies.

i'll do a quick ovulens recap, too, to explain how it works. you take the nifty contraption (see photo in the previous blog), open it up, flip down the glass lens, put some fresh morning spit on it:), wait 10 mins till dry, flip the lens back up, turn on the green light, and view. this thing will help me pinpoint when i ovulate and can also work as a pregnancy test. it's basically a small microscope.

yea for simple easy technology!

scared

ok i'm scared. i'm sure most of this feeling is stemming from pms... but still i'm scared. i just read a blog from another lesbian couple and it took them quite a long time to get pregnant. another one i read the woman was afraid the baby wasn't alive (until another ultrasound confirmed everything was fine). another discussed how hard the birth was (done at home sans medicine-which i intend to do).

shit... we're ready for this. i want this. i'm not going to be scared away from it. great now i'm getting weepy at work. i just want to have a beautiful healthy baby with my wife. there are so many things i'm not going to have control over and i wish i did. what if i can't get pregnant? what if it cost us more than we can afford? what if i have a miscarriage? what if our baby isn't healthy?

i know i just need to take care of what i'm able. eat healthy, exercise, track my ovulation, talk with whomever is our preggo professional. -sigh-

there are 5 ladies i know in-real-life (IRL) that are pregnant now. they all got pregnant by traditional hetero means. i'm very happy for all of them. i'm also very jealous. it just happened. no tracking, no purchasing. yeah yeah- i could just get some guy to knock me up but... ew :) haha. sorry, i'm just moping.

i'm also stressing about tracking my ovulation. so this might be too much information for some readers, but maybe someone will have an idea that will help me. right so my last period i started spotting around 12/3, but i feel like i didn't start my period until 12/14 (had cramps/real blood). my period ended about 12/16. now, i started spotting 12/31, which is earlier than i expected. i'm feeling kinda crampy today. so, the question is, do i count the day i start spotting as the first day of my cycle or do i count the day i get major cramps and real bleeding.

the other thing is i believe i ovulated around christmas based on several indicators. i'm all confused.

ps- figured out why "chumbawumba" made me weepy :) duh- i'm pms-ing. ha