Saturday, January 3, 2009


ok i'm scared. i'm sure most of this feeling is stemming from pms... but still i'm scared. i just read a blog from another lesbian couple and it took them quite a long time to get pregnant. another one i read the woman was afraid the baby wasn't alive (until another ultrasound confirmed everything was fine). another discussed how hard the birth was (done at home sans medicine-which i intend to do).

shit... we're ready for this. i want this. i'm not going to be scared away from it. great now i'm getting weepy at work. i just want to have a beautiful healthy baby with my wife. there are so many things i'm not going to have control over and i wish i did. what if i can't get pregnant? what if it cost us more than we can afford? what if i have a miscarriage? what if our baby isn't healthy?

i know i just need to take care of what i'm able. eat healthy, exercise, track my ovulation, talk with whomever is our preggo professional. -sigh-

there are 5 ladies i know in-real-life (IRL) that are pregnant now. they all got pregnant by traditional hetero means. i'm very happy for all of them. i'm also very jealous. it just happened. no tracking, no purchasing. yeah yeah- i could just get some guy to knock me up but... ew :) haha. sorry, i'm just moping.

i'm also stressing about tracking my ovulation. so this might be too much information for some readers, but maybe someone will have an idea that will help me. right so my last period i started spotting around 12/3, but i feel like i didn't start my period until 12/14 (had cramps/real blood). my period ended about 12/16. now, i started spotting 12/31, which is earlier than i expected. i'm feeling kinda crampy today. so, the question is, do i count the day i start spotting as the first day of my cycle or do i count the day i get major cramps and real bleeding.

the other thing is i believe i ovulated around christmas based on several indicators. i'm all confused.

ps- figured out why "chumbawumba" made me weepy :) duh- i'm pms-ing. ha


  1. Relax you worry wart. You have always been that way. And FYI there was tracking! Just not are careful as you are doing it. But I carefully planned and plotted when we would do it and used internet calculators to find out when I was ovulating and visited the doctor and all kinds of stuff. So don't worry, you aren't alone.

  2. Yes, do relax. Maybe HypnoBirthing could help you release your fears.
    I highly recommend Vitex tea. It's a berry, all natural, and you can probably find it at your health food store. It makes your cycles insanely exactly 28 days.
    Of course there are lesbians who have tried for years. There are also those of us who got pregnant the first time, too. Worry and stress aren't your friends, so try and relax (do you do yoga?).
    Think about how many babies are born healthy every day and how many women are carrying healthy babies. That's what keeps me going. :)

  3. Breeeeeath.... One thing I have learned over the years about horomones, is that they are only ever "regular" if you are calm and stress free. I know that staying un-obsessed about making a baby is nearly impossible (especially in your case I'm sure), but you should try. Maybe start meditating. Get trapped into a good book. Have a glass of wine, while you still can, and relax. I send you my ever so strong mental powers of peace; Ooooohhmmmmmmmm. xoxoxo.