i love apples and peanut butter

i think i'm addicted. oh well:) i only eat adam's natural peanut butter and organic apples, so it can't be too bad for me right?

i started seriously drinking my fertility tea this morning. i drank 32 oz. in 2 hours. should i have spaced that out more?? it's not too bad tasting. i had been warned that it isn't the most pleasant. i added some ginger honey again. the smell and tasted reminds me of mari-j. i think it's just because it smells herby/earthy. mmm:) that's a picture of chasteberries, by the way.

it took me forever to figure out how to brew the stuff. i wasn't sure if if mattered how much i used, how much water, and how long. so i'm going to log that here just in case someone else is doing a google search for "how to brew loose leaf fertility tea". i don't think you can really screw up brewing the tea

i used 3 tablespoons to 4 cups (32 oz.) of water. i brewed the tea in a french press, since i didn't have an infusing teapot large enough. worked great. i let the tea steep while i was in the shower, about 10-15 mins. i poured it into a couple thermoses (one to drink out of, one to store). i drank it on my way to work, like i used to do with coffee, and finished off the other thermos at work. then i peed like a racehorse. :)

cd1 today

funny but i'm excited about cycle day 1. i think it's because it means we're one more step closer to getting pregnant. this is my second to last cycle before we try. -fingers crossed- this could be one of my last periods for awhile.

when i got home from work, i made a pot of fertility tea. it wasn't too bad. i heard it wouldn't be the best tasting. it was kind of earthy/grassy. i added some ginger honey which helped. yum. i'll need to make a lot of it so i can drink it throughout the day.

oh, and olive officially killed my thermometer on tuesday morning. i walked into the bedroom and found the main body with the battery parts lying nearby. the little booger. so now i'm using a regular thermometer. i need to get a new basal one asap.

oh those crazy hormones

damn that pms. it's making me wacky! yesterday afternoon, after a very very lazy morning, i was in a good mood. goofing around with anna, dancing around, basically doing stuff that involves "around" :) then, dum dum dummmm, i try to get dressed to go hiking. bring on the pouting and whining. "i'm fat", "nothing fits", "no, i can't wear your clothes, cause you're skinny dammit", "why can't i loose weight" and so on. i'm sure alot of you know what i'm sayin'. i know all the things i said aren't true, but it feels that way.

we went for a nice hike with olive (who hasn't really done anything bad since the last blog). it was at a local trail on cougar mt. it was just an hour hike in and back. what made it so great was that it was lightly snowing, flurries really, and it was cool to go from barely anything in the parking lot to a light covering on the ferns at our turn around point. so pretty. i was wishing i had my camera with me.

after the hike, anna had to go to a gaelic football meeting and i stayed home watching "american dad" on hulu. i made the mistake of starting to read another blog for a couple that got pregnant. these things suck me in. i went back to the very beginning when they first started trying. they had some troubles, took a long time, but ended up working. anna is home by this time and looking up data we had discussed before "what percentage of iui result in preg. vs. "regular" intercourse". the sad news is 4-10% vs 20%. 4%!!!! bring on the waterworks.

i start bawling. i want a baby sooo bad, and i don't handle failure well. i know that i'm not a failure if we don't get pregnant right off the bat, but i'm afraid that's how i'm going to feel. that's my nature. people keep assuring me that i'll be fine. i'm young and healthy. -sigh- i guess i can just keep doing what i'm doing and hope that march goes well.

here is what i'm doing now: i'm taking a few different vitamins/supplement. i have a triple omega-3 that i take 3 times a day, a calcium pill plus vitamin D i take 2 times, vitamin D liquid (very yummy with berry juices), alpha lipoic acid with green tea, multivitamin/mineral with lutein, chromium, selenium, folic acid (200%), and vitamin c. i'm going to start drinking a fertility tea on cd1*. it has chaste tree (vitex), red clover, red raspberry, and nettle. this will help in a lot of different ways. i'll discuss it later.

i've cut back on caffeine to doing half decaf/caf. my plan is to start having a cup just every other day. i've cut back on alcohol to just 3 glass/bottles a week. i plan to stop entirely in february except for special occasions (like our 5 yr anniversary!).

i upped the amount of fruits i'm eating to at least 3 a day. we've always eaten alot of veggies but i've started bring carrots, celery, and/or salad along to work also.

i'm trying to remain consistent with kickboxing. i need to start doing some exercises at home to strengthen my abs.

yeah, so i am doing a lot. i just hope it helps. so i end with a happy note, here is a picture of olive on a lovely hike we did to get to a mountain-top wedding for some friends.

olive has been bad

the little shit. reminder for those that don't know me in real life, olive is our 1 1/2 year old puppy.

first bad thing, she gave our cat, malo, an aural hematoma, ie- she injured his left ear and it got infected. it swelled up. they had to put a hole in his ear and drain it. the poor baby has stitches and has to take medicine twice a day. guess how much it cost.... $430 dollars! well $150 was for dental stuff (cleaning etc.), which should be done while under anesthetic.

second bad thing, she chewed up my basal thermometer this morning. it still works but makes the saddest sounding beep when i turn it on. the tip i put in my mouth is crooked and the other end has teeth marks. grrr.... i'll need a new one. thank god it's cheap.

there better not be a bad thing number 3! bad girl! hmph

my first chart

here we go! i did predict my ovulation correctly, according to fertility friend. yippee! the crosshairs means ovulation.

i'm a slacker:)

so what's been going on with me? currently i'm in what's called the luteal stage. i call it waitin' around. it's the second half of my cycle. i'm just patiently (haha) waiting for cycle day 1.

i had one odd thing happen yesterday. i took a couple days off of doing the ovulens, thinking nothing would really show up at this stage. well i did it yesterday morning and much to my surprise i had a full strong lens of ferns. i'm not sure what it was exactly that caused this, but anna and i have a couple theories. tuesday night i had alot of trouble falling asleep so i got up to have a snack. i had an apple with peanut butter and a mug of soy milk. when i went back to bed, i didn't brush my teeth again. theory one is that the salt from the p.b. affected the results, or perhaps, less likely, the estrogen that is in the soy milk (naturally occurring) affected it. the second theory is that i'm having enough of a late cycle spike of estrogen to show up.

i'm leaning more to the second theory because this morning had the same results. the fern weren't as large. i made sure to brush my teeth thoroughly after my snack. hmmm...

we got a new book "taking charge of your fertility". it seems to have a lot of the same things i've already discovered, but i'm still liking it so far. it had some color pictures in the back of nifty things (not for the squeamish). it showed the cervix before ovulation, at ovulation, and after. way cool. it also showed different types of cervical mucus. yes, this is kind of an icky concept, but seriously who hasn't wondered "is this normal?". pictures are a good thing.

speaking of icky concepts and how this makes us feel uncomfortable. i'm finding out so much about my body that no one ever talked to me about. it shouldn't be this way. the more we know about the natural workings of our body, the more we are able to help ourselves. we can have control over our reproduction, our health, our ailments. it also isn't complicated! i still trust doctors and those in the medical profession (my RNP is totally supportive), but by being more personally aware we can have a better relationship with these people. doctors don't need to be scary. we don't need to have unnecessary tests. we don't need unnecessary prescriptions.

i was surprised recently when i was talking to wonderful friend who i adore. she admitted that she was weirded out reading some of my blogs because i talk about things like mucus. this concerns me because if she's weirded out reading this maybe she won't feel comfortable talking with a doctor about what's going on with her body.

just a bit of rambling:) i just care about all my lady friends and think they should know their lady bits.

example chart showing ovulation

here's a handy diagram showing estrogen, progesterone, temperature, and fertile mucus to pinpoint ovulation. this is not my chart. it's from http://www.fertilityfriend.com/HelpCenter/FFBook/ff_hormones_and_signs.html#7

ovulation usually occurs on the last day of lower temperatures.

ovulation!

so i did my bbt* this morning at my usual wake-up time and it read 97.66. this is much higher than my reading yesterday, 97.13. thus, OVULATION! hehe:) my ovulens also was half full of ferns, big ones at that. so most likely, i ovulated yesterday.

i've read a bit more about the ovulens because i wanted to know exactly what it was showing me. during the first half of your cycle (cd-cycle day, starts with your period), also called the follicular phase, your estrogen level is rising. when this happens the salinity (concentration of dissolved salts) in your saliva is increasing. so when i spit on the little ovulens and let it dry, what i'm really seeing is crystallized salt. when progesterone kicks in, after ovulation, this salinity drops away.

also, your temperature is lower when your estrogen is pumping, and higher with progesterone. the second half of the cycle is called the luteal phase.


it is sooo interesting what your body does. i had no idea about all of this till a month ago. i mean i read about it in 'the new essential guide to lesbian conception, pregnancy, and birth', but to see it is very different.

some the info i put in here today came from this website: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/gettingpregnant/understandingovulation.html

*basal body temperature

indeed folks, those are ferns

yippee! ferns lots of them. still not a whole lens full, but -sigh- i feel better:)

i went for nice half hour walk with olive this morning. for those that don't know lovely olive, she is our 1 1/2 yr old puppy. she's a mix of (most likely) yorkie, corgi, and beagle. she's awesome:) recently she learned how to shake. sometimes she gets confused as to what trick we are going to ask her to do. so, she'll quickly sit, lay down, roll over, get back up, and wait for us to direct her. haha. it cracks me up. also, when she's really excited and we try to get her to calm down by doing a trick (usually roll over). she'll sit down and spin on her butt thinking that's the same as laying down and rolling over. i love it!

we don't have a tv and what we end up doing a lot in the evenings is just watching or playing with her. wonderful entertainment. i'll load some pictures as soon as i can.

we also have a very stoic kitty named malo. olive loves to pester him and wrestle. malo used to be a wee bit tubby. since we got olive, he gets a lot more exercise!

a friend of mine is working on putting together her nursery. it's making me itchy to do the same. patience is obviously not my forte regarding this adventure. i can't remember if i already told you i figured out the color for the nursery. it's "a touch of spring", nice light green. i've noticed before that mid-cycle i get in the mood to organize and clean. could be an ovulation sign?

could be, perhaps, maybe....?

this morning i decided to try a different technique with the ovulens. i had read on a forum that someone else was having trouble getting ferns. what ended up working was putting the saliva on the edge of the lens and tipping the ovulens so the saliva spread out.

i did this and waited patiently for it to dry completely. when i looked in, it was different than other times. it wasn't exactly ferning but it wasn't blobby either. it looked like a very frosty window. i tried magnifying it as much as possible and i thing it might be a bunch of very tiny ferns. anna agrees. yippee! i'll try the same thing tomorrow and see what happens.

hmm...

well, the ovulens isn't working out as well as i hoped. since that first day that i saw ferns i haven't seen anymore. major disappointment.

i actually turned into quite a poop on saturday because i was all frustrated about this whole business. i really need to work on relinquishing control or else i'm going to be a major roller coaster of emotions. anna was a doll, as usual, and pretty much let me be a snarky bitch. then when we went to bed i broke down crying and spilled it all out. man that felt good. i just needed a good cry.

it's still annoying not seeing results on the ovulens in the morning, but there are other "symptoms" i can track. i'm still recording my BBT and also my fertile mucus. according to my mucus (bleh), i'm close to ovulation.

we went to the midwife/birth center today. it was great. the woman we saw was very nice and knowledgeable. she gave us some good tips on supplements and other pre-conception ideas. the center was nice. i could see me giving birth there:) i met the other midwives too; they were all friendly. i think that is the location i would like to go to for prenatal care and birth. wow:) ok now we just need the baby! haha.

we are thinking that we will start trying in march for sure now since the ovulation tracking isn't going as easily as (i) hoped. i'm going to start drinking a fertility tea to help regulate ovulation and give me more nutrients to prepare my body. i'm also considering acupuncture. it's been mentioned on a number of blogs i've read and different pregnancy websites. i've enjoyed the acupuncture i've had done before, and it can be beneficial for conception. it goes with the philosophy of whole body health to prepare for the baby.

i think that's everything for now. i'm sure i'll have more tomorrow because i picked up a book at the birth center called "the twelve month pregnancy". we'll see what else i can stuff into my brain:)

just a quickie- not that kind:)

check out this link- http://youcangetpregnant.blogspot.com/2008/06/ovulation-moment-caught-on-camera.html

i saw a fern!!!

i did the ovulens this morning and when i checked it I SAW A FERN!! i think it's really cool :) so what this fern means is that my body is transitioning to ovulation. when i see a whole lens full of ferns, that means i'm ovulating.

this picture is what a transitioning lens looks like. the things that look like antennas are the ferns. when not transitioning or ovulating the lens just has a bunch of blobbies.

i'll do a quick ovulens recap, too, to explain how it works. you take the nifty contraption (see photo in the previous blog), open it up, flip down the glass lens, put some fresh morning spit on it:), wait 10 mins till dry, flip the lens back up, turn on the green light, and view. this thing will help me pinpoint when i ovulate and can also work as a pregnancy test. it's basically a small microscope.

yea for simple easy technology!

i'm ok

because i've gotten a lot of phone calls asking if i'm ok, i figured i should do a blog :) yes, i'm fine. i was just having a dumpy day. i'm back to feeling like my normal self. thanks guys:)

i do have some moderately exciting things to tell. i received my 'ovulens' on the 2nd. i've tried it out to see how it works, and am intending to begin using it regularly when my period is done. i'm very excited to see what happens. also, we have a meeting with our potential midwife on monday. yeah!! i need to start compiling all the questions i have. if any one has tips on what we should discuss with her, whether is baby, birth, or health related, i would love to hear them. i've got so many thoughts running through my head, i would welcome help.

here's to our adventure getting up and running:)

low progesterone and apology

what if my spotting early means i have low progesterone?...... last cycle i started spotting about 12 days before my period started (which i now know really was the 11th after doing more reading and checking my journal). this isn't normal, i think. we meet with the midwife on the 12th. i hope she can help.

i also want to apologize for what i said in my last blog. i made an incorrect assumption regarding at least one of my friends that just got pregnant, and maybe i assumed wrong with some of the others. i had made the presumption that my friends got pregnant without planning because they were hetero and married/engaged. that was wrong of me. i was writing without thinking about what i was saying. sorry ladies.

in my defence, i am pmsing, haha:) congrats to all you pregnant beautiful women.

scared

ok i'm scared. i'm sure most of this feeling is stemming from pms... but still i'm scared. i just read a blog from another lesbian couple and it took them quite a long time to get pregnant. another one i read the woman was afraid the baby wasn't alive (until another ultrasound confirmed everything was fine). another discussed how hard the birth was (done at home sans medicine-which i intend to do).

shit... we're ready for this. i want this. i'm not going to be scared away from it. great now i'm getting weepy at work. i just want to have a beautiful healthy baby with my wife. there are so many things i'm not going to have control over and i wish i did. what if i can't get pregnant? what if it cost us more than we can afford? what if i have a miscarriage? what if our baby isn't healthy?

i know i just need to take care of what i'm able. eat healthy, exercise, track my ovulation, talk with whomever is our preggo professional. -sigh-

there are 5 ladies i know in-real-life (IRL) that are pregnant now. they all got pregnant by traditional hetero means. i'm very happy for all of them. i'm also very jealous. it just happened. no tracking, no purchasing. yeah yeah- i could just get some guy to knock me up but... ew :) haha. sorry, i'm just moping.

i'm also stressing about tracking my ovulation. so this might be too much information for some readers, but maybe someone will have an idea that will help me. right so my last period i started spotting around 12/3, but i feel like i didn't start my period until 12/14 (had cramps/real blood). my period ended about 12/16. now, i started spotting 12/31, which is earlier than i expected. i'm feeling kinda crampy today. so, the question is, do i count the day i start spotting as the first day of my cycle or do i count the day i get major cramps and real bleeding.

the other thing is i believe i ovulated around christmas based on several indicators. i'm all confused.

ps- figured out why "chumbawumba" made me weepy :) duh- i'm pms-ing. ha